I SUBMITTED THIS TO THE EDITOR OF MY HOMETOWN NEWSPAPER AND ALSO POSTED IT ON FACEBOOK BUT FIGURED I COULD ATTACH IT TO MY BLOG AS WELL!
Fifty Shades of Grey: “TO THE
HATERS!”
After
waiting over three years from reading the Fifty Shades Trilogy; I finally was
able to sit down and watch the film come to life this weekend. I felt the
director chose excellent actors for the plot and they had excellent chemistry
on screen, but as with all movies the book was far better. However, I
apparently did not realize until this weekend the large community of “anti 50
shaders”, or the “Christian Grey Haters”. This is to you…. The FIFTY SHADES HATERS!
The biggest
blog titles I have seen this weekend include topics like: “50 shades
romanticizing violence”, “Christian community disappointed that Seattle QB
Russell Wilson enjoyed movie”, “Christian Grey stalker, abusive and not a
‘hero’”.
For anyone
reading who doesn’t know what “50 Shades of Grey” is about, I will use a
summary I found on a blog from Ole Martin Moen, an excellent philosopher. He
summarized it perfectly. “To the extent that Fifty Shades has
a plot, I shall now spoil it. The movie tells a straightforward story about
Christian Grey – an intelligent, handsome, and very rich young man – and
Anastasia Steele – an English literature major at a local college. They meet
during an interview, find each other attractive, and initiate an affair.
Christian is secretive, possessive, and controlling, and he is very much into
BDSM. Anastasia lets Christian do some of his BDSM things with her, and she
enjoys parts of it. Unfortunately for Christian, however, Anastasia isn’t
actually into BDSM, so when things escalate beyond feather tickling and playful
slaps, she freaks out and leaves him. And that’s it.”
ROMANTICIZING
VIOLENCE- GIVE ME A BREAK
Let me
start off with the first eyesore, completely bogus theory to this book/movie.
E.L James in no way is romanticizing violence or abusive relationships. I do not practice BDSM, but I have the intelligence
to research before making an assumption. BDSM relationships exercise trust,
consent and courage that surpass the typical missionary style practicing sexual
relationships. BDSM is a choice; it can be a one-time experience or a
lifestyle. It has been around since 1969, and due to the success of the story
the exposure has led to the “plain vanilla” sexual community to become
outraged. Just because you do not support it does not mean you can throw out
the invalid conclusions that the storyline is promoting domestic abuse.
Christian Grey was very detailed in his explanation of his lifestyle, he asked
Anastasia Steele several times about safe words, and her hard and soft limits.
He even requested that she sign a contract. How is BDSM an unacceptable form of
violence, but killing, shootings, crime are not? …..Oh wait they are, but
society does not label them as unacceptable for the big screens because it is
portrayed and displayed on every news station and newspaper on a daily basis. In
short it’s the “norm”. BDSM is not, and this is the same reaction by the closed
minded, individuals who started controversy against the LGBT community.
As far as
the intimate relationship between Christian and Ana, I do not see any
indications that the story was promoting domestic abuse. Ana never said no
before a kiss, Ana never said no before her first time having sex, in fact
Christian was slow, kind, and totally out of character the first time he had
sex with Ana. The movie did an excellent
job of showing how Christian clearly observed his boundaries and did not push
Ana when she said NO at the end, he never asked or pushed to invade her space. Yes,
Christian is controlling and intrusive but the world is full of several TYPE A
personalities similar to the one portrayed in this fictional character. The
reason for the hype is he is able to track her down with his high paid
bodyguards, he is able to offer her high paid gifts, and offer her airplane
rides because simply HE CAN. If Christian was a regular blue collared type A
personality you would still have a control freak but he would not be capable of
his potential.
Christian
Grey: THE VICTIM ACTUALLY
Everyone
is in an uproar that this narcissistic, control freak Christian Grey should be
labeled a ‘hero’, who wines, and dines an innocent virgin into his BDSM
lifestyle. However it is Ana who is the hero, as she throughout the trilogy
saves Christian. The book gives a better understanding of how Christian Greys
life started out, and for the movie goers you saw a glimpse of his troubled
past. Christian Grey was born into a crack addicted mother who died by the time
he was age four, after nearly starving and being neglected for 4 years, he was
barely able to talk he was taken into a loving home. You would think he beat
the odds, he would not be so lucky however; he was again victim of child abuse
of a different kind. This time sexual in nature, by a family friend who forced
him into a submissive role he might otherwise never experienced. Christian is a
true victim even as he tells Ana about the abuse; he calls “Mrs. Robinson” a
“FRIEND”. He still consults her when he is scared, unsure or confused. He
himself does not see her for what she really is a CHILD ABUSER. One study from
the childhelp.org shows that 80% of all adults over 21 have at least 1 mental
disorder as result from childhood abuse. Sadly, most childhood sexual abuse
adults develop personality disorders that prevent them from having real long
lasting relationships. Sexual abuse victims lose control in everything aside
from breathing for events that can last sometimes several years. It is no
surprise that he developed a controlling personality and is an overachiever, it
is a coping mechanism he attempted to be positive but evolved into an unhealthy
control he displays in his relationship with Ana. In fact most survivors use sex as a negative
coping mechanism to channel out the pain, depression and insecurities,
especially in men. Some men can develop unhealthy sexual behaviors (such as
BDSM), practice unsafe sex, and have hundreds of sexual partners before age 30.
The fact that this fictional character is bashed by the country is an insult to
the CSA victims left in this country who are plagued by events similar to what
Christian has endured. This is not an excuse for Christian’s behavior, but a
proven EXPLANATION.
Christian
and Ana fall in love almost immediately. Christian tells Ana throughout the
book and movie that “this is a first” for him on several occasions. He has
never had sex without a contract with anyone before, he has never slept next to
a woman before, and he never has been photographed with a woman before Ana. He
also agreed to a date publicly once a week shortly into the story because he
knows it makes Ana happy and that is the first glimpse that she is changing
him. Ana asks questions that no one else has ever asked. She makes him think of
things he had locked away years ago. She makes him evaluate his life and his
choices to the point he starts to change. Ana is the heroin the plot. She does
sacrifice at first to things she may have never experimented with had she not
met Christian but she verbalizes she trust him and he never did things without
her trust and consent. She attempts to learn if he is practicing dominance for
pleasure and in doing so is able to prove to him that it is not pleasure at all
he is after but a way to hide the pain of what is on the inside. The day Ana
leaves him and the end of the first movie is the first day of the rest of
Christian Greys life. He was destroyed when he saw the pain inflicted but it
was too late and Ana was gone.
This story
does not promote or romanticize violence or abuse it is a raw display of the
truth and the aftermath of childhood abuse. The author E.L. James clearly
showed the audience the consequences of Christian’s behavior. It also displayed
the strength as a woman when Ana chose to leave verses stay or allow him to
continue to push that lifestyle on to her.
I
WILL ALLOW MY GIRLS TO READ IT ONE DAY
The
book and movies success is because thankfully this country consists of more
educated and open minded citizens than the contrary. The fan base is able to
read between the lines, and see the love story and the healing of one women’s
love on a painfully scared soul, who is truly “50 shades of fucked up”. E. L. James is able to do all this while
giving a detailed description of sex in a way all women want, passionate, raw,
and taboo. A recent “Women’s Health” magazine survey reported more than 59% of women
currently watch porn and enjoy it, and 66% of the remainder would consider
watching it if asked. So take that “50
Shades Haters” get your panties out of a wad and ask your significant other
to put you over their knee tonight, I guarantee you like it.
As
for my own children, I have two girls who are currently too young to even
understand this controversy let alone read. However, one day they will be old
enough, wise enough and mature enough to understand sex and relationships. I
will allow my girls to read it one day. In fact, if my girls were to fall in
love with a man scarred and abused I would hope they had the courage that Ana
displayed and the patience to help him heal.
Megan
Lawrence
